Prospective Personal Ad

I need to get married soon. First decent girl though the door and that’s it. I meet a lot of people everyday, and I would say I can marry 1 out of 7. This shouldn’t take more than 15 dates: I’m blocking out Mar 17th to Apr 15. Tax day.

I have a few women I can refer to you in reference. Atlantis Black and Jessica Delfino. They will say whatever they want. I have no doubts. There are plenty of women out there.

I'm decent enough to look at and I’ve never been thrown out of bed. My japanese girlfriend threw me out, but it was a ploy, and she didn't go anywhere.

Whatever, I’m not here to be selling myself. If I was, I’d be doing documentaries on Tiger Woods and writing laughs about Hitler’s Parents. I’d rather be watching my kids. I was not put on this earth to make money. There are more important tasks.

So short, what I put down here, it could go on and on, this dialog, this dance, this sense of expectation and deliverance and creation. Forever.

Ages 26-33 get preference, no one younger can decide that fast, and if you’re older, you’d better have something to show for it. I already have a 74 year old gf, I’m not here to replace her.